carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
