um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I understand Curling. That high.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
