Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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