i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
