Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
