i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize