yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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