i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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