out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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