I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He felt like a one man threesome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
