If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
