Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
