I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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