she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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