I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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