Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
