It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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