I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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