The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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