I heard we made out
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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