He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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