but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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