I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
