the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
