I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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