I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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