have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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