it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
