it's like iHOP with fire
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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