I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
