I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
