he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
