I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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