actually, I'm a sock model
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
