sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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