I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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