i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
