let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
