its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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