i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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