I am puke
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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