i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
