Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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