11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
