i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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