He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
where am i from again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Randomize
