if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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