Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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