If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
