You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
