Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
