I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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