i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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