that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
