did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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