look no pants
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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