I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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