Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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