i love accidental penises.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
