I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
