I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
