apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
