I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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