So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i believe in u and ur pee
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
