How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
