So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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