you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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