I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
