....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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