If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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