I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I could fuck to npr.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
