Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
