I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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