He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
