when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
