It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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