They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
