So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
