last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
