My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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