apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
