this will be a night to untag.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
