I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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