I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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