Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize