If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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